Black Men vs Black Women

Growing up I had a unit, a team raising me. For the most part I understood the dedication and hard work of the team that nourished me into the woman I’ve grown to be and even though one of my parents is no longer with us, he left a lasting impact on who I am today. A black woman and a black man who did everything in their power to be great so they could in turn raise great children and even though they didn’t get a long sometimes they had the same goalset in mind. A small example of how a black man and woman chose to be a team, despite what they might have been through, not enemies.

That was then, this is now.

In today’s society, in today’s black community, black men and black women are constantly locked in a gender based war that leaves neither parties winning. I don’t know when things fell to the pits of hatred and angst, but they’ve unfortunately gotten there. I realized that I might never find that solid base many of our parents (relationships, friendships, work relationships) found when they were our ages, when I was 17, and got caught in a heated and uncomfortable discussion with black males about black women. At the time I was juvenile and narrow-minded. I only saw women as the victims of a patriarchal mindset that oppressed women but as I grew with my age, I realized that women, black women at that, are just as much to blame.

Instead of building each others self confidence and self worth, both sides are in a civil war; choosing to pull the other down. At any cost. You may win a battle but at the end of the day everyone loses the war. I’m not saying that every black male should date black women and vice versa. It’s your prerogative to date who you choose but at the same time, your choice to date Asian, Latino, or Caucasian doesn’t justify the reason why you should demean those of your own color; and just because someone chooses to date someone of a different race doesn’t mean they hate they’re own. I’d like to point that out, those two ideas differentiate vastly.

It’s difficult enough being who we are in 2012 modern day, North America but pitting each other against one another doesn’t do much but make us the laughing stock of modern day society. We prove nothing. It’s easy to hate. It’s easy to nitpick and find the flaws. Its easy to disregard others; categorizing them as useless, disposable, but what people fail to forget is that nothing great comes from the easy route. Yes, you will come across black women who devalue what you believe a woman should be and yes, you will come across black men who will make your skin crawl, but choosing to never acknowledge those who don’t do either, will never help us progress. Focusing on the negative instead of weighing out the positive leaves us in a stagnant state of desolate feelings and void of the relationships we could have.

It’s disheartening to watch males and females go against each other over the slightest things. To see them hate one another over gender and racial stereotypes. Heartbreaking to see people who would otherwise get along great, hate each other for the sake of hating one another. Why not be someone who breaks the mold and loves people for who they are not what you THINK they are? By no means, do I mean you should love all black men and love all black women but what I am saying is accept and appreciate them for the good they have. You don’t have to date a black man or a black woman, but support them for what they are. People can’t even be friends, FRIENDS, because of this alleged “gender war”.

Sure, there are underlying currents in every situation. There are a lot of issues that fall under this topic and if we rolled them out one by one, this would turn into a novel. I won’t deny that and I’ll admit at times I want to act like black men don’t exist but what does that get us? How does it help us flourish? As much as we’d like to think we don’t need people, no man or woman is an island and you don’t know who you are exiling from your life, if you do not give them a chance.

This will fall on deaf ears and blind misdirected anger but hopefully at your own pace you’ll acknowledge that life is more than an all consuming hatred. Hatred that doesn’t make sense a majority of the time. Try. Next time you want to tell someone they’re this that and everything else, remember that you are also with flaw. Uplift and support, don’t divide the only thing we have left, us.

RT @A1JSauce: These gender wars make me sad to be honest. I know Twitter shouldn’t be that deep and some of these are jokes but EVERY DAY?

-EsVeeCee

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